I guess I should take advantage of this blog now since I decided to get rid of my site. I decided that I wasn't blogging enough at this point to warrant paying $30/mth for an entire website so the hosting is gone until I decide I want to bring it back. I decided to forward the domain so those of you who still want to follow me (all 2 of you) can still actually do it. I was going to forward to the MySpace but still want some level of personal privacy on that. I put this entry up on MySpace first and was annoyed that I don't have the LJ crossposting feature there but I forgot that is one of the many luxuries of having Wordpress run your website. In other words, it makes you a lazy fucker.

In other news, I'm bored with life. I work as a file clerk at a doctors office and am itching to get out and do more with my life. I applied for a job as a call taker/dispatcher with the fire dept. which will be pretty exciting if it happens but somehow it doesn't feel like enough. I am literally dying to get into college but the thing is, the audio engineering programs are all through expensive private vocational colleges which I cannot afford and don't really want to waste the money on, so if I go to traditional college I will be stuck doing something else. I am looking at a Fire Engineering program which is awsome and I would have a great career and make a difference in people's lives which is great... but it somehow doesn't feel like enough. How much could one girl really want?!

Honestly part of me still wants that atypical, travelling circus, famous rockstar kind of life but then again I'm somewhat of a homebody although I'm a fidgity person who always has to be moving around. I'm also frustrated with the vocational college thing with the sound engineering. One has more of a shot saying they want to be a rockstar vs. wanting to get into being a sound engineer. It's pathetic. I could always do the rockstar thing but then again I have lyrics with no music, the inability to teach myself composition, the struggle of finding music lessons as they are a rediculous amount of $$$, I hate my voice and all my music-loving friends are in bands and I would probably get super annoyed working with them anyways.

I could always go into computer engineering and graphic design since I do that anyways but then again that wouldn't be enough.

Now I'm whining.

Maybe I shouldn't have gotten rid of the blog.

/end emo

Things to look forward to:
Hollywood Undead on Apr 23rd.
Dane Cook on May 8th.

A repost from my Facebook....

I am a very open person who is not afraid to express my feelings, whether negative or positive, particularly with writing. I have been a writer my entire life and its something I really enjoy. I know a lot of my friends are the opposite of that or are not quite as vocal and I respect their beliefs and accept them for who they are.


In the past while I have been writing notes on Facebook, dealing with some negative feelings I have had. I have a website where I usually post my online entries but I also have become to like posting them here as well. Bear in mind that whilst I do rant and really vocalize how I feel, I never have and never will personally call someone out for how they have affected me. I do not believe it is fair to publicly point fingers. If I have something to say to someone, I will say it to them personally in a private setting.


Certain people are frustrated and angry with what I have posted as of late, especially as they knew I was writing about them or one of their friends. I would like to take this opportunity to address that.


If you cannot handle what I may say, simply don't read my notes, just delist me as a friend or simply don't treat me like shit and expect me not to react to it.


Any true friends of mine will respect me for who I am and not criticize me for being an open individual. Do NOT expect me to ever censor myself or bottle up my feelings because it is never going to happen.


As I said, I will never personally call anyone out and there's not many people that will be able to figure out what I'm talking about. I don't go around spreading bullshit about people when I am angry with them, although I have been on the receiving end of it more times than I can recall. I discuss it with my friends in certain cases like anyone but I'm not a "shit talker". I find that behaviour to be pathetic, immature and completely unnecessary. Creating drama warrants nothing but trouble. I fully believe in karma. The universe is like a boomerang, you get from it what you give and putting out negative energy will result in it coming back at you.


So in closing, maybe some of you will rethink a few things before you react.

I am in the process of reopening my old My Chemical Romance fansite I had in 2005, albeit in a much better format and brand new domain. The forum is now up and running for people to play with!!!!

http://www.ultimate-mcr.com/forum

If you're not a fan of MCR, there are plenty of non-related threads for you to enjoy. Everyone is welcome so long as you follow the rules!

Enjoy!

It's a shade after midnight and I am here in my apartment all alone, listening to music. I'm trying to chill out and not get worked up over things but it seems an impossibility at this point. I have a fair number of friends that are trying to help me out with that too, and nothing seems to be working. I'm just a natural worrier and am trying to deal with it
naturally.

I have an awkward situation here I would love to blog about yet for the first time in a long time, I worry about the implications. Back in 2005 I wrote a nasty entry (which I unfortunately do not have a copy of) regarding one of my best friends. We had a nasty fight, and both said things that were completely out of line. As with every time I get upset, I turned to the blog and poured my little heart out. I didn't know the person was actually reading it and I hurt them quite badly and I ended up spending quite a bit of time apologizing profusely as I never should have wrote what I did. This time I'm not angry but I'm finding it hard to express this without giving too much away.

The jist of it is that I have a thing for someone and I can't tell them. I know it sounds simple enough and people deal with this everyday but this situation feels much more complicated. I'm trying to simplify things and hope that the feeling of this being some grandiose problem, is just some illusion. I have this anxiety thing... its a continuous problem with a lot of things so maybe its all in my head?!

He's practically everything I've ever wanted in a guy - kind, compassionate, honest, trustworthy, intelligent, sociable, has a wonderful sense of humour and is someone I feel incredible comfortable around and he's easy to trust. The thing is he's a friend and I don't want to completely blow it. If I blow it, it would be HUGE.

I also am very afraid of him not seeing me in the same way although at one point, he very well may have although unless I ask, I will never ever be sure. There's things we've never talked about and I feel like things are unfinished and there's too many things left unsaid. Its painful. Its like there is this dream inside my head I'm hanging onto and I'm so
afraid to let it go. I keep thinking something *may* be there and what if it isn't? I know there will be someone else along the line that may make me feel the way I do about this person but I want him. No one else. I wish I could change that sometimes because it would be far less painful but I can't. He's just too special.

On June 1st, I will be participating in a 50km bike ride to raise money for the heart and stroke foundation. I have 12 days until the ride to see just how much support I can drum up for this. If you are interested in sponsoring me, here is the link to my personal page:

Sponsor me for the Becel Ride for Heart!

FIRST LOOK at the new My Chemical Romance CD/DVD "The Black Parade is Dead!" Live Audio from the sold-out Mexico City show and DVD footage from both Palacio de los Deportes arena in Mexico City and Maxwell's in Hoboken, New Jersey. (Directed by Atom Rothlein).

Pre-order your copy of it now at www.theblackparadeisdead.com.

For all current updates, please visit the blog at:
http://www.nocturnalsojourn.org

I’ve long admired the ease of use and flexibility of the wonder that is WordPress. There is so much more that can be done with it, yet it makes things so much easier. So I switched.

The only issue is that I am now using templates made by someone else. I plan to offer 2-4 layout choices and these templates are great but I still want to use my old pink & black layout as a template so I will have to learn how to convert it.

I also need to import all of my old blog entries and comments from the old site, which can apparently be done using RSS (since I used CuteNews before) but it doesn’t seem to be working right now. Once everything is switched over, its going to be amazingly easy for me to update, etc but until then, I’m one confused girl!

Originally published at . You can comment here or there.

I am working hard on another new layout that is quite similar to this one. For the first time in seven years, I am using a template and image I didn’t create. I did have a layout of my own that I came up with but I had used it before and it was just too big.

I am working to make this site much more efficient and organized. I also wanted to have valid coding as well, the only problem is that my IFrame SSI script that I love so much doesn’t seem to validate, no matter how much work I do. For example, it expects me to change all the & to & as that ‘works in every case’ but then it renders my script useless.

I could leave it at that, but then all the validation freaks will start flaming me…

Originally published at . You can comment here or there.

Right now I am focusing on my main passion, music. Which is meaning less and less time to update this site. I will be back soon. I just have to feel like doing this.]]–>

Well I didn’t do any work on this site due to computer issues this past weekend. I even considered giving up my fun on the internet too. That would mean shutting down my MySpace and the site while keeping the Facebook but I just couldn’t do it. I love blogging too much. I will however make this site more simple rather than more complicated.

Right now I am focusing on my main passion, music. Which is meaning less and less time to update this site. I will be back soon. I just have to feel like doing this.

Originally published at . You can comment here or there.